Hey everyone, welcome back to the BlogXO. I have had so much on my mind lately and today just happened to be the day that I have finally allowed my self to express my truth. Its a new year and with that comes all the resolutions. I finally stopped making those cause I realized that whatever God has for my life is whats going to happen that year. So instead of a list of goals or resolutions I am focusing on my purpose.

I would like to talk about forgiveness today, this being one thing that I have had a hard time with in the past few months. I have always been able to forgive others, for example my parents. I wasn't the perfect child and my parents definitely were not the perfect parents. Forgiving them for their mistakes was the last time I struggled with forgiveness and I thought after that it would be easier. That was until November 2015.

In November my Husband was let got from a church that we had spent a year at. He was the worship pastor there. The church was looking for change and thats exactly what my husband brought. He was the first African American pastor in the church, actually he was the first African American anything in the church. We were a team there, we got involved with the youth and small groups. We formed some amazing relationships with some of the members of the church, eating dinner at their houses and fellowshipping with others in and outside of the church. We made it home cause that was where God placed us.

When my Husband was let go, he was let go by the assistant head pastor and another person who was in charge of signing his checks. This church was all about money, to the point that they would do anything to please the big spenders in the church. My Husband was all about what God wants for the church not the people. So you can imagine the disagreements he ran into. The head pastor of the church wasn't there when they let my husband go. He never called or emailed, never said a word and till this day we still haven't heard anything from him.

We had just announced that we were pregnant and super excited to share this time in our lives with our church family. My husband wen't into work on a Tuesday and worked a full day and at the end of they day they told him it was his last. We didn't even know our last Sunday was our last Sunday. So unless we saw people while we were out, we didn't really have the opportunity to say goodbye. The church decided to send out a email to the members to let them know my Husband will no longer be with the the church, which then caused our phones to start ringing. The hardest part for me was leaving the youth that we has spent most of our time with inside the church and outside of the church. Some people didn't even receive the email so when they would see us and say hi we knew they didn't know what happened. It was so hard to sit there and tell them after they just told us congratulations on the baby.

God had sent us that church for a reason. I never let that leave my mind or my heart. I didn't like the  city we were in but I knew before I married my Husband that we would be sent somewhere away from home. Every day that we packed another box it broke my heart. I was filled with anger because I knew the real reason why they let my Husband go. I knew that with wasn't because God was leading the church in another direction but it was because the "Big Spenders" in the church didn't like my Husband. Some were rude, selfish, and racist, . The pastor told my husband he was there for change but didn't tell his congregation. So when changed happened they didn't like it. The pastor didn't have my husbands back and every month I watched him come home not wanting to be defeated because he knew Gods work still had to be done. Every day he wen't into work with a new attitude and expecting better. I was and am still very proud of him because he stayed true to Gods vision and purpose and not the churches.

After everything took place I found it hard to not cry and to not be angry I wanted to be strong and not worry, I knew I had a large amount of faith. I knew that this outcome wasn't because we were being punished but because God used us to reveal something to his people in that church. So why was I still mad. Well because I didn't wan't to believe that the same people who we just spent a year with a shared our lives with would just kick my us to the side like we were never there. The same people I let in my home for fellowship and the same people I worshiped God with on Sunday Mornings. You shouldn't be afraid to trust Gods people. We had to leave our first home together, pack up everything we had in our two bedroom house and move into my mother in laws house. We are both jobless and asking God okay, whats next?  We have a baby on the way, no income, and no insurance. I thank God for my mother in law and just my Husbands family period because we didn't have to even hesitate when it came down to where will we live. We had to and are starting over. You can or maybe can't even imagine the amount of stress that was. I know my God is greater  than anything he has a plan for us but I am also human. I would cry in the shower or when my Husband will leave cause I didn't want him to fee like I didn't have faith in God or him.

I have been faced with the hugest task of forgiveness that I never thought I would have to face, and that was forgiving the Church. How exactly did I forgive the church, well I realized first of all God has never let me down. I realized even though I didn't know that this was going to happen that it was already in Gods plan. I realized that the Church is not my enemy and If anything I should be praying that God gets all the Glory in this. That His Grace and His Mercy is revealed in an awesome way.

On social platforms we have made it so that we smile in photos and post them to hide our true struggles and pain. If you look at my feed you have never had any idea that this was my reality. I share my reality because this is real life. We must all see the blessings we have even in the storm. In the storm I had God, my Husband and a amazing family to give us Gods words for encouragement. We still are both currently looking for jobs, but don't let that part of the sentence worry you because God is still taking care of us and all our needs are being met. Thats Gods love and grace for his children. Its okay to struggle with forgiveness, we are human. Just learn to forgive but realize you don't have to forget. I won't forget what happened not because I am still holding a grudge but because I want to remember that time that God opened a door for my to grow closer to him through my faith.

Thank you for reading my post today, and aside from being self therapeutic for me. I hope this helped you open your heart to forgiveness. XOXO

Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. - Colossians 3:13

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  1. Thank you for sharing this, Britnie.

    I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad you've found your way to forgiveness and I pray that God will bless somewhere even more deserving with and Richard!

    1. Thank you Peter, there was so much that happened that was just unsaid and a lot of people didn't know what really happened because Pastor Gary made it seem like Richard left on his own. I definitely took me a while but I am also glad that I was able to forgive this situation. We miss you guys so much!