2months with Baby..Life...Marriage..and Postpartum

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Hey everyone, I am definitely late with this 2 months post, but if you have been following me on Instagram you would know I have been moving and super busy. These past 2 months with baby Ezra have been amazing and next week he will be 3 months! I can't believe how fast he is growing up. He is smiling and reacting to us so much. I am completely in love with him and watching his learn and grow.

So first off, thanks to God we have been blessed and able to finally move out of my mother in laws house. This was really huge for us and we are excited to create memories in our own place now. It was definitely a lot of prayer and patience and at first it was a little scary but I am thankful. I was recently really stressed while moving which resulted in super long and stressful night with Ezra.

You know how you go to the doctors office after having a baby and they always give you a paper for you to fill out asking you about how you are feeling. Well up until these past few weeks I felt as though I was doing great. I began to feel moody and my emotions were up and down. I had a attitude towards my husband, and felt like he just wasn't doing anything right. Right after  I gave birth my husband went right back to work and I didn't have my mother or grandmother there for me. My mother in law went back to work also so right away it was just me and Ezra. I was doing great and handling things well. I didn't feel stressed but this month and the end of July something just shifted.

I realized how I was feeling and reached out to one of the women in my life that I am close to and is  a mother to just ask if what I was feeling was normal. Right now I am currently a stay at home mom and I was feeling uneasy about it because in African American culture we believe both parents need to be working and we have to have a 2 income household and you get criticized for wanted to stay home with your child. You are looked at as lazy or not successful. I felt pressure to get back to work when really I just want to have this time with my son and watch and help him grow and learn.

I have been struggling with my identity and realizing I am a mom now and how people see me now. Of course things are different, and I am very open to that but I don't want my identity to only be my baby or to only be my husband. I want to tap back into what I love and continuing my me time.

My Husband has been a great support system for me, doing what he can to make things easier, sometimes I get frustrated cause he isn't doing it how I want him too but I have to also realize that atlas he is trying. We aren't enemies, we are a team. I thank God for his patience with me because I am really difficult at times. I have been planning a girls trip with my best friend and I was struggling with first of all being gone for 2 days away from Ezra. I didn't know if it would be too soon but with all thats been going on with me emotionally, I know it is something I need. I was also struggling with my emotions of being excited about being away from him for a little while, but also I found out it is normal. When you are ready to go away it is fine. Do not let people make you feel like you are a bad mom for wanting time for yourself. I feel like if I do not go on this trip it will be so hard for me to be at my best. I want to be a great wife and a great mother.

So when I felt like I may be dealing with postpartum issues I made sure I called someone right away. You are not in this alone. I know some women may be single mothers or may be married but you do not have to do it all by yourself. Do not try to prove yourself to be super woman. If you try to do it all by yourself you will go crazy. I had to learn to let my husband do his thing with Ezra. Even if he is crying , if he is fed, changed ... most likely he is just sleepy let your Husband or whoever have that time with the baby so the baby can get use to them and you can have time to yourself, or you don't have to worry every second what is happening.

I am still sorting out a lot of feelings and emotions, but I just got to pray and continue talking with other mommies and be clear about my needs to my Husband. Sorry if this post is all over the place. This post may more so be therapy for me and helping sort everything out, so thank you for reading  this. I pray that my posts on this blog help other mommies or mommies to be. I don't care how perfect someones life may seem on a photo on Instagram, being a new mom is hard being a mom is hard we go through a lot, we feel a lot, and we do a lot. This is a job, this is hard work and no job I have ever had compares to this one.

If you guys have questions about anything, just ask me. I love you all and thank you for reading. XOXO

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